NEW BLOG

I moved to Tumblr....

http://classyconti.tumblr.com/

I used to think Tumblr was a homebase for Hipsters to post abstract pictures of their cigarette butts, Converse, and girls making mustaches with strands of hair (“It’s ironic because I’m a girl, you probably wouldn’t get it, it’s very abstract and post modern).

But according to @JohnCMayer Tumblr serves a greater purpose:

It’s the future of social networking if your image of the future features intelligent discourse. I love reading other Tumblr users replies, because they’re thoughtful by virtue of the fact that if they’re not, they’ll bring the intellectual property value of their own blog down, and that’s a commodity on Tumblr.

I have to admit, I was starting to feel like a Twit on Twitter.

The 140 character limit suffocated my creativity and slashed up my spelling. To the point that I was spelling “mayor” and in Quimby, “Mayer” as in JohnC…

….okay that could be my own fault.

Already I’m having fun tumbling.

Here’s why:

1. There’s a place for me to post quotes from some of the greatest minds of my generation like Heidi Montag and the cast of the Jersey Shore.
2. There’s a place for me to work on my screenplay, in the form of chats from my over anxious Italian Mother.
3. There a place for me to post pictures of things that inspire me artistically, like possibly erotic wallpaper found in local bar bathrooms.
4. If something moves me on Youtube I can easily share it. Like that video of the McDonalds McMillinare, which I still can’t get enough of..
5. If a richly artistic ditty makes my heart stings sing I can spread the love and share the music, Like Van Halen’s “Jump” which I’ve had stuck in my head since Beer Fest.
6. I can share links I like..

WHAT I WOULD'VE TWEETED

What I would’ve tweeted… If there was Twitter back then. For real you can follow me on Twitter here: http://twitter.com/GMConti

(That was my Perez Hilton impression...)

GMConti

That's you!

Just got woken up from the best nap ever. Sticky.

3:00AM July 18^th, 1987 via birth

My mom keeps taking pictures of me. There’s cake. Wish I had teeth.

5:00PM July 18^th, 1988 via 1^st Birthday

Mom & Dad want to go on this thing they call the “Subway”. So I hailed my first cab.

3:30PM March 2^nd, 1989 via 2 years old.

Saw the Little Mermaid. Sad I couldn’t meet the cast after.

3:30PM March 2^nd, 1990 via 3 years old.

A boy bit me. I bit him back. I got a time out, and he got a cookie. This makes me want to burn the bra I don’t have yet.

1:30PM September 12^th, 1991 via 4 years old.

Watching the Wizard of Oz again. You never know, something could change this time!

6:30PM June 12^th, 1992 via 5 years old.

Moved to Connecticut. I hope I don’t start wearing pastels.

3:30PM November 12^th, 1993 via 6 years old.

Just saw the Lion King. Apparently real cats don’t like getting held up while you attempt to sing “The Circle of Life”.

4:00PM June 22^nd, 1994 via 7 years old.

I LOVE Alanis Morissette. Best cassette tape EVER. Now I know what “ironic” means.

3:30PM October 15^th, 1995 via 8 years old.

If I wear Soccer sneakers, people will think I can play sports…

3:30PM February 12th, 1996 via 9 years old.

CAMP! I’m the only non-Jew without a Baby-G watch. Well at least I have my Tomagachi.

3:30PM July 20th, 1997 via 10 years old.

First day of Middle School. If I dress like Cher from Clueless, I’ll be popular like her, right?

7:30AM August 29th, 1998 via 11 years old.

Got boobs! Also getting a lot of hugs from boys…

2:45 PM September 20th, 1999 via 12 years old.

Mitzvah Season! Still not Jewish. Please stop yelling at me. I can’t read the torah.

5:30PM April 10th, 2000 via 13 years old.

First day of High School. Better wear my Abercrombie shirt so I can fit in.

7:30AM September 1^st, 2001 via 14 years old.

I have a crush, he's tall, handsome, loves fashion, musicals… and men…Damnit!

9:30PM May 10th , 2002 via 15 years old.

Got my first fake ID. The girl’s black. Good thing I wear lots of bronzer!

10:30AM July 18th, 2003 via 16 years old.

Got a sidekick! All I need is a small dog, a fake tan, and a sex tape to be JUST like Paris Hilton.

2:30PM March 5th, 2004 via 17 years old.

Collage! Now if I could just spell “College” right…

2:30PM September 5th, 2005 via 18 years old.

Lets face it, Chinchillas serve no purpose other than being worn - #ThingsISaidToAVegan

5:30PM April 9th, 2006 via 19 years old.

New crush, he's tall, handsome, loves fashion, musicals… and he’s straight?

#OnlyAtEmerson.

5:30PM September 9th, 2007 via 20 years old.

FiNaly 21!!! YAyyyY! Drinkingggg… hahahaha MuSic! Wheram I?

asdalks;nrei s,anfdwliher

#drunk

5:30PM September 9th, 2008 via 21 years old.

Has officially lost my glasses... now how will people know I'm smart and alternative?! Oh yeah, and how will I see things?

#LA

5:30PM December 9th, 2009 via 22 years old.

PRETTY OR SHITTY: MY TAKE ON THIS WEEK’S POP CULTURE….

PRETTY

JESSIE JAMES, THE COUNTRY SINGER

It must suck to have this name right now. This is what I landed on when I goolged “Jessie James” and spelled it wrong…

SHITTY

JESSE JAMES, THE ASSHOLE

Jesse James is the new Tiger Woods.

Am I the only one who is NOT shocked by this whole debacle?

For starters Sandra is out of his league.

Also what do you expect from a man who shares a name with one of the most famous American outlaws of all time, and who's own fame is found in motorcycles, tattoos and a short-lived show called Jesse James is a Dead Man?

SHITTY

ZACH BRAFF CANCELS SCRUBS ON FACEBOOK

And here I thought Facebook was only good for seeing if people got ugly….

PRETTY

MTV CANCELS THE HILLS

Let’s face it, The Jersey Shore is the new Hills. And Chat Roulette is the new Jersey Shore...

PRETTY

THE BIRD & THE BEE COVERING HALL & OATS

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LzmM85wnM8k

Get this CD.

If you are a diehard Hall & Oates Fan, hate covers, and are "allergic" to female vocalists you might be skeptical.

But seriously, get over yourself, and get this.

SHITTY

THE CONTESTS ON AMERICAN IDOL COVERING ANYTHING

Specifically Didi Benami covering Linda Ronstadt “No Good”.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xyd_tVCu4cw

I don’t know what was worst, her squeaky off pitch performance, or how much fun the judges had telling her that she was “no good”.

PRETTY

THE RUNAWAYS THE MOVIE

Worth seeing. I didn’t think I would say this but, Kristin Stewart was awesome. She really got into this character (and it wasn’t just the haircut).

SHITTY

WHAT HAPPENED TO THE RUNAWAYS THE BAND

You know Joan Jett most likely from her own career. But you probably haven’t heard of Dakota Fanning’s character (Cherie Currie) who is now an accomplished Chainsaw Carving Artist? (Yes, that’s a thing)

http://www.chainsawchick.com/

.

PRETTY

BUZZ ALDRIN ON DANCING WITH THE STARS

I LOVE OLD PEOPLE. And this one is ADORABLE. However since he’s so old, I think they should judge him less on his ability to dance and more on his ability to not get a heart attack.

SHITTY

BROOKE BURKE ON DANCING WITH THE STARS

So yeah she’s the new co-host. And while she can read cue cards decently, she’s not the best with the whole interview thing. Especially when paired with Niecy Nash from Reno 911. After curvy Nash told toothpick size Burke that she was dedicating her performance to “thick” girls everywhere, Burke was left speechless and then quickly muttered, “I love that you’re embracing----the women?”

Huh?

“The women”?

Clearly you don’t “love it” because you don’t even know what you're taking about….

PRETTY

THE CAST OF IF I CAN DREAM

SHITTY

THE PERSONALITIES OF THE CAST OF IF I CAN DREAM

Question: What happens when you put five pretty people on camera 24/7?

Answer: Not a whole lot. Watching this show is like watching an angel fish swim in a tank. It's nice to look at, but don’t expect it to do something other than swim

DIRECTIONS ARE FOR DUMMIES

I think reading directions are a waste of time.  Which might explain why I suck at driving.  

 

My mother on the other hand loves directions.

 

She won’t use any product with out reading every single syllable on the label. 

 

Then she writes a letter to the FDA explaining to them why they are wrong.  Then she uses the product her way, which is enviably followed by this conversation:

 

MOM: How are your teeth so white?

ME:  I used Crest White Strips

MOM: How come, when I used them it didn't work?

ME: How long did you use them for?

MOM: Long enough*.

ME: It should’ve worked.

MOM: But really, how are your teeth so white?

ME: Crest White strips!

 

And this conversation circulates in an Abbott and Costello fashion until my mother finds something else to complain about. 

 

*To my mother, “long enough” was at most five minutes (instead of the prescribed 30).  If you met my Mother you would understand why her not talking for five minutes is as likely as you never seeing a Michael Jackson tribute ever again.

 

Just to prove the idiocy of reading directions on labels, here are the directions on the label of of an every day products that even a monkey would know how to use.

FACE VALUE REFRESHING MOUTHWASH

DIRECTIONS: Rinse or gargle for 30 seconds with one ounce (approximately 2/3 capful of this product).  Do not swallow. Get kissably close with this product.  The invigorating taste of this product tells you it’s killing germs that cause bad breath.  It’s minty taste tells you how minty fresh your breath can be.  Use this product and have confidence to get kissably close.

 

WTF.  Are these directions or an advertisement?!  First of all “kissably” is not a word.  Secondly, how do you expect me to take the time to precisely measure out the mouthwash, if I have some kissing to do?  And what happens if I overdose on the wash?  Or if I swallow it?  Hey, Refreshing Mouth Wash, instead of telling me that I need to kiss more people after using your product, how about you tell me how to not die from using your product?!

 

 

PRETTY OR SHITTY: MY PERSONAL HIT LIST OF THIS WEEK'S POP CULTURE

PRETTY

THE NEW LADY GAGA & BEYONCE MUSIC VIDEO FOR “TELEPHONE”. 

 

If wearing sunglasses made of smoking cigarettes isn’t pretty, then I don’t know what is. 

 

In fact, This video was so pretty that Jenna Maroney (you know the fictitious character from 30 Rock that I follow on Twitter) tweeted with envy :

 

JennaMaroneyTGS Who cares about Lady Gaga & Beyonce's Telephone? Me and the sister who was written off "Family Matters" just premiered our new video Pager.

 

SHITTY

THE NEW LADY GAGA & BEYONCE MUSIC VIDEO FOR “TELEPHONE”. 

 

And then it gets weird……

 

For starters Beyonce and Lady Gaga each bite into a donut and then throw it out. 

 

NOT COOL. 

 

Not only is that a waste of a perfectly good pastry, it’s also called LITTERING.

 

Also the dialog could use some work. 

 

At one point Gaga says “You know what they say, once you kill a cow, you gotta make a burger”.

 

Yeah, I think they also say "when you kill a donut you should EAT IT and not litter".

 

Also, WHO SAYS THAT?!  Sarah Palin?

 

 

Oh no. On Jay Leno, before doing “standup” obviously written by Jay Leno’s writer’s room, Sarah Palin said this:

 

“You know that old saying where I can travel halfway around the world before truth even has a chance to put it’s pants on in the morning.”

…..

 

Yes Sarah, I’m sure that “old saying” it’s right up there with this motivational poster.  

 

Talk about Kitten cruelty.

 

And yes, I just compared Sarah Palin to Lady Gaga.

 

 

PRETTY

JOEL MCHALE STRIPPING DOWN IN COMMUNITY.

Did you see last week’s episode?  I’m STILL thinking about it.  I never knew The Soup could be this hot.

Watch the clip.

http://www.hulu.com/watch/132503/community-face-off#s-p1-sr-i1

There are so many balls!

As in pool balls, they’re playing a game of pool in that scene, you perv.

 

SHITTY

BLAKE CLARK STRIPPING DOWN IN COMMUNITY

This made me gag…which was the point.  You might know Blake Clark from Boy Meets World as the father of the dreamy Sean Hunter

 

aka Ryder Strong aka “What Ever Happened to That Guy?!

 

PRETTY

JUSTIN BIEBER

Okay, I finally get it.  This kid is adorable. And that song is so damn catchy.  However, I wonder what will happen when he hits puberty…. 

 

But I must attribute my Justin Bieber appreciation to this video from Aziz Ansari’s website (www.azizisbored.tumblr.com) where his character Raaaaaaaady (that’s 8 A’s) declarers war on Justin Bieber.

 

http://azizisbored.tumblr.com/post/434677432/raaaaaaaandy-declares-war-on-justin-bieber-did

 

SHITTY

LIL' WAYNE SINGING

.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L_K9WtkPHrw

Yes, Lil’ Wayne sings. Which must be hard for someone who doesn’t have a lot of real teeth.  I mean, you’ve heard Hilary Duff “sing”. 

 

In Lil' Wayne's new jam “Knockout” which is another catchy diddy, he indeed sings, but it resembles more of a screech or a pelican mating call…

 

PRETTY

UCB'S FACEBOOK SHOW

http://losangeles.ucbtheatre.com/shows/913

I can’t believe I haven’t seen this show until last Wednesday.  Improv inspired through someone’s Facebook page.

What fun.  They ripped apart a girl’s profile who claimed to be dating a porn star.  This takes Facebook stalking to a whole new level.  It also made me rethink my profile…

 

SHITTY

MY MOM ON FACEBOOK

That's not my mom, or me.  But my Mom just figured out how to Facebook chat.  Oh, the horror. 

 

PRETTY

JAY BARUCHEL IN SHE'S OUT OF MY LEAGUE 

 

I have a crush.  He was so cute in this movie that I’ll look past this flick's flaw: most of the “punch lines” were pop culture references… that are already outdated (Hannah Montana), says the girl who’s blogging about pop culture.

 

SHITTY

I WAS RATED A 6 ON CHAT ROULETTE.

And I thought the moral of She’s Out of My League is that everyone is a 10....

 

PRETTY

This video.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=32vpgNiAH60

Chat Roulette Piano Improv.  

Although this guy calls himself Merton, I’m pretty positive it’s Ben Folds.  Because he looks like Ben Folds, sounds like Ben Folds, and no one would make up a name like "Merton" besides Ben Folds.

Thoughts?