WHAT'S A CAKE WALK?

"Cake Walk"

I heard that expression for the first time today.   What a bizarre phrase.  What exactly is a cake walk? Is it Lindsey Lohan getting cupcakes?  I sure hope not.   Because we all know that must be a rare occurrence.

Our dictionary defines it as:

cake·walk  (kkwôk)

n.

1. Something easily accomplished: Winning the race was a cakewalk for her.

intr.v., -walked, -walk·ing, -walks.

A cake walk doesn't seem like something easy.  When I hear the phrase, I picture a bunch of people, possibly with large funny hats walking around with ten layer wedding cakes.  Or worst something like this:

Walking around with that cake can not be easy at all.

If it was something easily accomplished, wouldn't it be called a "cake run"?  A run fast.  A walk takes time, and things that take time are never really easy.

And if a cake walk is so easy, then what's a walk in the park? 

If your park is Central Park or the Boston Commons after midnight, then that walk is not easy at all.  You know how many people have gotten murdered or mugged walking through these parks?  My mom reminds me every day.  Like this lady: 

  

She's getting attacked by a dog.  This is why I'm a cat person.  There I said it.  Cats would never attack you in the park.

And even during the day, a walk in the park isn't easy.  You could get stopped by homeless people, or be unable to move because of the sea of tourists taking pictures of everything.  Or if it happens to be frosty out, and per chance you are wearing cowboy boots and running 20 minutes late to your speech class, and haven't had your latte yet, you might slip and fall and cry.

Let's replace "cake walk" and a "walk in the park" with things that actually are easy to do, like  "getting a sorority drunk" or a "morning walk through Trader Joe's," the store is empty, there are free samples, everyone is nice and helpful and sometimes they play soothing oldies music.  EASY.

Speaking of cake, what about pie.  Why is it so easy?  "Easy as pie!"  The last time I made pie I almost lost a finger and burned my arm off.... and that was using a store bought crust!  It looked kinda like this:

There is nothing easy about making pie.  Unless they are taking about eating pie.  That sounds easier.  But in order to eat pie you have to either make it or live with your grandmother.  I feel like grandmas make pie.  Unless this is your Grandma:

Then she just eats a lot of pie.

Let's change that phrase to "easy as opening up a bag of chips", or "peeling a banana", or "making a PB&J sandwich".  These are EASY things.  Pie is not. 

And don't even say "easy peasy"  What is "peasy"?  That's not a thing.  I know it's not a thing because even Blogger is underlining it in red.  And the spell check on here sucks (see earlier blogs).  And peasy's not even a word!  SOMEONE just made it up so they could have something to rhyme with easy.  Actually, they didn't even put any effort into thinking of a new word they just put a "p" before "easy."  Yeah, real original.

Let's try to make this work:

Instead of "A Cake Walk" or a "Walk Through The Park" --- let's say "Getting a Sorority Drunk" or "A Morning Walk Through Trader Joe's"

Instead of "Easy As Pie" or *shiver* "Easy Peasy"  --- let's say "Easy as Peeling a Banana"

Or... any other suggestions?