G.I JANE, YOU'VE COME A LONG WAY, BABY

"GI Jane Breaks the Combat Barrier"

I'm not sure if I should be happy or offended.   

According to The New York Times this is a victory since "Before 2001 America's military women have barely seen combat but the Afganistan and Iraqui wars have changed that".

At last!  The glass ceiling has been broken!  And it's all because of those adorable GI Janes.

GI Janes, really?  Is that what we call women in combat?  Do we call men in combat GI Joes?  I never heard of someone beefy army man try to pick up a girl at a bar by saying, "I guess you could call me a GI Joe."

While the term GI Joe might spring up found childhood memories, let us not forget what a GI Joe really is.  A boy's Barbie.  Yes boys, that really is what GI Joes are, Dolls. 

Oh yeah, and GI Joe is also one of this summer's box office flops reviewed by Rotten Tomatoes as having, "silly writing, inconsistent visual effects, and merely passable performances".

Be it a GI Joe or a GI Jane both terms have a very "cute" and doll like connotation to them.  Saying that GI Jane's are breaking barriers is just like saying, "We've come a long way, baby".   Gag me. 

But the funny thing is these "GI Janes" don't look very cute or doll-like in battle.  Have you ever seen a photo of a GI Jane sporting baggy camouflage threads and a crew cut?  How can you tell if that solider is a "Jane" or a "Joe"?

But don't worry America, I have a solution.  It comes from a valuable lesson learned from every chick flick I've ever seen: When in doubt.....

MAKE OVER MONTAGE! 

First thing we need to stop the crew cut.  In the meantime try a wig, if Britney Spears can rock one pole dancing surely you can rock one in combat.  And those baggy clothes have to go. I'm thinking something tighter, maybe show off some skin.  How about a camaflaugue bikini?  I mean you are in the desert, you might as well be getting a full body tan while you're out there.  And those combat boots are so... how do I say this politely... Daria of you.  Let's switch it up with a nice heeled boot.  I'm thinking Jimmy Choo...

 

You're welcome Uncle Sam.