I WANT TO DATE A VAMPIRE

"Love Sucks"

Says the billboard for Vampire Diaries.  You know that new TV show that's cast looks like carbon copies of those Twilight twats?

Speaking of billboards, where is my "OMFG" Gossip Girl Billboard? Enough of this Melrose Place "Ménage-Tues" and "Tuesday is the new Hump day," I want me some Gossip Girl puns. Someone is slacking over there in publicity.  I just got word that the new season starts next Monday, and I haven't seen ONE advertisement. 

But perhaps this could be credited to the absence of Entertainment Weekly in my mailbox.  I think it's time I give it up and stop playing hard to get to EW's "GABI, we want you back" Plea-mails.

Back to the Vampires.  I think I just figured out why my love life sucks: Because I'm not dating a vampire.  

Think about it.  A vampire would make the perfect boyfriend.

Here's why:

• Vampire's never eat: can you say "perfect dinner date?" You know he can't Bogart that delicious chocolate molten cake with vanilla ice cream you ordered for desert. 
  
• Vampires are my type:  Tall, handsome, great bone structure (what ever the hell that means) and a little sickly looking... yum-my.  Also I tend to date guys with very pointy verniers.. or maybe they're really vampires?
  
• Vampires sparkle:  I like sparkly things.  In the sun, vampires sparkle.  Who need diamonds if your boy sparkles like one?
  
• Vampires watch you sleep:  Some might find this creepy, but I think it's adorable.  Also it shows that he's trust-worthy.  If he's watching you sleep, then you know he's not sleeping with someone else.
  

So it looks like I need to snag me a vampire.  Where can I find one?  V-Harmony? And how do I make my V-Harmony profile attractive to the Edward Cullen type?